Should You Be Kind Even if it’s Insincere?
This week, readers are especially concerned about how being themselves might clash with being kind. They wonder about appearing insincere and about my previous (contradictory?) statement that you shouldn’t reward readers for bad behavior.
Find out how I responded to these three popular questions!
Q: In the Q&As about consistency, you talked about rewarding readers for bad behavior. And *now* you’re talking about always being kind to readers. I’m confused–which is it? Do I ignore readers who aren’t nice or am I supposed to be nice to them?
When a reader wrote in to ask about what to do when readers are overly critical, I suggested they be unsubscribed.
And you can do that kindly 
. Your newsletter is yours and you get to decide who receives it. It’s that simple.
However, for as long as a reader IS on your newsletter list, they deserve to be treated with kindness.
Will some readers take advantage? Perhaps (though personally I think it’s unlikely). But, if and when they do, just take them off your list.
What does this mean? That’s up to you. But, for me, it means I always follow a few principals:
- Always respond to emails from readers. Always. (If you ever send an email and don’t get a response with a week, please re-send your email–it’s likely I didn’t get it.)
- Always open each email addressing the subscriber by name.
- If the email is negative in some way (however major or minor), I always take a moment to think of something I’m grateful for in THAT email message. I don’t always comment on it, but I do always think of it first.
- If the email “hurts my feelings,” I do my very best to frame the feedback in a positive way. (Meaning, I put myself in the shoes of the reader and see where he or she might be coming from, offering feedback without any mal intentions.)
- Do my very best to honor any commitments I may have made–implied or expressed.
So, that’s my list. What’s on yours?
Q: Do you always have to be kind? What if you don’t feel like it? Sometimes I get no responses from my newsletter, and other times, so many. How do I keep up?
According to the NIF “principal of kindness,” yes, you always have to be kind. Everyone has bad days, but it’s unprofessional (and unnecessary) to be anything but at your best when dealing with your readers.
Is this insincere? Artificial? Not being yourself?
Nope, nope, and absolutely not . Rather, it’s being your *best* self. Which is what your readers deserve.
And what about the unpredictability of email responses?
- Make sure you only ask for feedback when you have time to handle it–however many emails you get. So, if this week is jam packed already, don’t ask your readers how they feel about world politics .
- Take your time. There’s no rule that says you have to write someone back within 15 minutes of their sending an email (no matter how it may feel!).
- Remember, a short response counts too! Just a simple, “Thank you so much for your feedback–I enjoyed reading your email. Your thoughts about global warming, especially, were so insightful.” is perfectly acceptable.
Q: What does it mean to be kind? Does it mean I have to be nice–that I can’t be controversial in my newsletter? Because I get some newsletters that are definitely not nice, but they seem to be doing really well.
Kindness is about being respectful of your readers. Don’t insult them. Be understanding.
It’s about surprising them with generosity from time to time and being considerate. About considering their position before writing each issue.
It’s NOT about being nice, or even being friendly, if that’s not your thing. It’s not about being a pushover or about being altruistic.
It’s simply about treating each reader on your list as an important person. Because every person on your list *is* an important person 
.
And, yep, there are newsletters that break this rule (or seem to). I can’t vouch for their success, but can say that if they are successful, it’s more likely they’re the exception that proves the rule–you’ll find far more examples of publishers who are kind, genuine, and generous who publish popular, successful newsletters, than any other kind.
Your Challenge: You always get the Q & A weeks off.
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About the Author
Jessica helps independent professionals become Indispensable Experts through powerful publishing programs. She works with clients one-on-one as a newsletter designer and writer and in groups through the Newsletter Spa.
Email Jessica directly, to find out more.